Cool Video - Crowd At An Accident

Welcome To my life. Day 5757. Good day my dimpled dumplings. Sometimes I play hooky from school and catch a train into the city and just walk around with my video camera filming all the crazy people in the street. That's what I did today. And I caught this great little moment. Tell me what you think.



It's kind of spooky. I was just standing there. Everyone was staring at the accident. Some people had cameras and they were taking pictures of the accident. But what fascinated me was the people staring. Watching. Time seemed to stand still. And this music was playing in the background. That's natural sound! Some street musicians. I don't know. No one was hurt. But it was pretty spooky. When I got home I got in big trouble. Mom got a call from the principal about me being absent and generally having a 'lackluster attitude towards education.' I don't really mind the education. It's just the people that are a total bore. Everyone is such a poser! None of them can think for themselves. And if they can, they're too afraid to show it! Anyway, all my ambitions are of an artistic nature. So my little excursion was probably more beneficial to my existence than twenty algebra classes. But that's life, right? I mean, how much of our lives can we really say are not a total waste of time? It's like a bad movie. You spend the first act learning shit you don't need to know, the second act working for the man, trying to build your life one little brick at a time, then the third, when you're really not good to anyone anymore, trying to enjoy what's left of it, while keeping yourself alive with some prescribed chemical cocktail, and needing to piss every 20 minutes. It's all so depressing. I see my Dad come home day in and day out. He tries to get excited about stuff. But it never lasts long. Lies are hard to sustain. A paycheck is a small reward for wasting your life. Maybe that's what this video shows. These people, on their lunch breaks, just seeing a tiny break in the monotony. Maybe for a moment they are reminded of the cruel passage of time, of the choices they made and the fears they succumbed to that placed them in this hamster wheel. Maybe that is what is on their faces. One of those rare moments when life asks you to stop and take a look at itself. Then again, maybe not. Gotta go, Mom's coming. I've lost my computer privileges. Who says home is not like jail?! So you might not hear from me for a few days. I'll try to use the ones at school.

Person Of The Week To Hate - Taylor Swift

Welcome to my life. Day 5756. Hello my pasty porcupines. This week's person of the week to hate is unquestionably Taylor Swift for being a goody-two-shoes know-it-all and totally reminding me of my sister Helen. She pulls little pouty faces too and acts like a little victim all the time. So, Kanye 'douchemaster' West stole your spotlight. Get over it! Or smack him! Don't just stand there like a wounded doe and then bitch about not being 'so excited anymore'. Pussy! I would have totally knee'd him in the balls! Prick. Can you imagine being a black star and being called a Jackass by the first black president. That's like if Anne Rice called me a Jackass! I think I'd just crawl into a hole and die. But that doesn't excuse Little Miss Perfect from being a complete douche herself! Aargh! I hate prissy little bitches like that! Hope she turns into a zombie.





Which brings me to Zombieland! How many of you are counting the minutes before this obviously instant classic hits theaters? I'm planning to start camping out in front of the theater the night before. I've got my fake I.D. ready and everything. I'll be all zombie'd out anyway, so they shouldn't be able to tell I'm a kid. I'm going as a White Castle Zombie. Johnny Shotguns works at White Castle and he was able to steal a couple of uniforms which we tore up nice and bloody. Some of my readers have been asking to see a picture of him so here it is:



I know. He's a little weird. But you know, he has holes, I have holes. We fill each others holes. Not in a literal way. Get your heads out of the gutter. We're just friends. Okay, we made out a couple of times. That's it! He's not really my type. To tell you the truth, I've got a crush on someone else. I'm not saying who in case he reads this. But he's really cute. I know, I always go for the ungettable ones. The ones my sister gets! God I hate my sister! Taylor Swift clone!

Join my Taylor Swift Hate Group on Facebook:

I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!

Feminism and Horror

Welcome To my life. Day 5755. Hello, my sleepy sausages. So I've been reading my girl, Brittney-Jade's blog Day Of The Woman (Brittney and I share a common aversion for all things Twatlight) and I came across her review of Jennifer's Body and how feminism is alive and well in horror (though not in Jennifer's Body). I'm a big fan of BJ's blog. She gets really emotional. Just check out this commentary on Jennifer's Body:



I was brought to an article that I at first had no words for. PoppaScotch over at Horror-Movies.ca apparently believes that Feminist Horror films do not exist and he hates that the only reason Jennifer's Body is getting so much press is because it's a "feminist" film. I am going to respectfully disagree. I stress the word respectfully because I'll admit it's taking every ounce of strength I have not to completely lash out and be a complete bitch about it.

She goes on to say:

Jennifer's Body is actually a woman "hating" film. It's a classic example of men not being able to trust women or the vagina.

Well, God damn it, I just want to get my two cents in. Brittney-Jade always gets me fired up. Feminism is Horror! And I don't just mean douchey flicks like Hard Candy where the chick actually castrates a dude (and we don't even get to see it!) I mean Horror at its core has a feminist agenda! Think about it. Every single storyline revolves around a woman becoming empowered enough to take on some monstrous male nemesis. In a classic sense of the word, you cannot get more feminist than A Nightmare On Elm Street! I realize the girl has to show her tits first, but that's all part of the 'feminine sacrifice'. Horror chicks have always been badass! And besides, we invented the genre. Ever heard of Mary Shelley?

Anyway, I haven't seen Jennifer's Body (not up close anyway) so I can't judge whether or not it stands up to the feminine ideal. But I will say this. As long as there's a creeping monster around, as long as flesh is in danger of being torn and mangled, there will always be some badass bitch ready to save the day ala Ripley, ala Sarah Connor, ala Carrie, ala you get the picture. Other genres might pretend like they have some 'complex' women or whatever but at the end of the day, throw Sophie's Choice in the ring with Ripley any day! Let's see who comes out first. Nobody kicks as much ass as horror chicks! And that's the truth, Ruth! As far as trusting the vagina? Well, do that at your own peril.



Also, Vampire Film Festival is holding a Trailer Contest. Vote who gets into the festival! How cool is that?! Finally we have a say in what direction vampire films are going. There's a war on, baby! Twatlighters vs the true Vampire fans. We must take back our genre! Vote now:

VAMPFEST TRAILER CONTEST

Puke Flick of the Week - Cannibalove

Welcome To my life. Day 5754. Greetings my scrumptious sauna slaves. Now I'm always getting these crappy screeners from these indie filmmakers begging me to review their crappy video movies and I always say yes, then I watch them and never respond again. That's like better than writing a bad review, right? And I'm not going to bore my dedicated readers with movies that aren't worth their time or money, so what's the point? Well, I finally got one that I think is worthy of both of our time. I'm sure it's destined to be a total cult classic and I was lucky enough to get one of the first copies. It's called Cannibalove. Yep, one word. Remember it.

At first I thought this was going to be some cheesy exploitation bullshit. But no. This is a classy, very twisted love story from Finland (I know, subtitles suck). It's set in this rural farm place and revolves around this young guy named Sven. Sven is not the sharpest tool in the shed. He's a door to door salesman selling bibles. One day he knocks on this door and sees this girl, Hilda, and falls madly in love. He basically starts stalking her. Gradually she kind of warms to him but her family is all weird and won't let her see Sven. So they begin this closeted affair having sex in barns and what not. Then her father finds out and beats the crap out of Sven and brings him before the rest of the family. You think they're going to kill poor Sven but Hilda grabs a knife and threatens to shove it into her throat if they kill her love. So they have no choice but to let Sven stay and become part of the family. And you guessed it, they're a bunch of cannibals. But get this, Sven doesn't care. He's so in love that he's willing to do anything to be with Hilda, even if it means munching on someone's gall bladder. Now that's what I call love.

I was so into this flick I even shed a couple of tears for Sven and Hilda. Of course there's a really tragic ending that I won't spoil for you cause you really need to see it. The gore is absolutely nauseating. I found myself trying to keep down Mom's chickpeas for half the film. These cannibals like to get into you when you're still kicking. And screaming. Lunch for these guys is like a death orgy. They all get real bloody and start laughing and burping. It's like if those Coney Island hot dog eating contest guys dug into some tied up tourists whose car broke down on the highway. Yep, this one is truly hardcore. And it asks the ultimate question - "What would you eat for love?".

It stars Riika Sillanpää as Hilda. She's an incredibly beautiful actress with real depth and subtlety reminiscent of Ingrid Bergman. I know, what is she doing in a horror flick? But then again, why not a horror flick? It's like we debase our own genre like it's not worthy of good actors or something. You go, Riika! Scream Queens rule! Sven is played by newcomer, Vilppu Schjerfbeck and he's quite funny. Great characterization all around.

Now this flick is so new it doesn't even have a website yet. As soon as one comes up, I'll announce it. But it does have a Facebook fanpage. Become the first on your block to become a fan:

CANNIBALOVE

5 Stars!

Oh, yeah, here's the answer to the puzzle. If you haven't tried it yet here's another chance:


BRAINFUCK!


Answer: When you do the math, the result is always a multiple of 9. Then they just make sure all the multiples of 9 are the same gift. Raymond says they could have made it harder by having less gifts. As it is only one gift on the board appears 10 times.

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze.

BRAINFUCK!

Welcome To my life. Day 5753. Ok, this had me stumped for like an hour before my brother, Raymond explained to me how it was done. For a minute I thought my computer had gone psychic on me. Very disconcerting. Raymond actually said they could have made it harder. Anyhoo, if you can figure it out, you and Raymond should get together for a nerd-off. If not, I'll divulge the secret tomorrow.

Check it out:

BRAINFUCK!

Till then, here's a picture of me with a funny hat:



R.I.P. Jim Carroll, brilliant author of The Basketball Diaries.

So Unfair!

Welcome to my life. Day 5752. Can someone please explain to me what is wrong with my binder? That should warrant me getting detention on the first week of school?! Yep, that's how I spent my Saturday. Staring at Mr. McFoy's shining bald spot. I'm seriously peeved. This is Goth persecution is what it is!



My autographed Gris Grimly sticker.

Check out his books here:

GRIS GRIMLY

Badass Bitch Of The Week - Tiffany Shepis

Welcome To my life. Day 5751. Hello my ravishing rapscallions, This week I'm introducing a new weekly post (God, I've got more than seven now, huh?) It's called Badass Bitch of the week and this week's winner is none other than B-Movie Screen Goddess, Tiffany Shepis. Those who missed her in last year's Nightmare Man should be ashamed! This totally ass-kicking babe has been in like a hundred indie horror flicks and is already a legend on the exploitation scene. She's appeared in such classics as Chainsaw Cheerleaders, Death Factory, Scarecrow, Zombthology and Tromeo and Juliet. Here she is on the Death Factory poster:




Get to know her, you'll totally fall in love. And somebody tell Hollywood what they're missing! Also it's her Birthday, so I'm blowing her a Big Badass Bitch Birthday kiss! You rock, Sheps.




Check out Tiff's site:

SCREAMSHEPIS.COM

Buy Nightmare Man today:

NIGHTMARE MAN

Anne Rice and Gays

Welcome to my life. Day 5750. First of all I'd like to congratulate Capt'n Jeets on tying Lou Gehrig's all time Yankees hits record. And in general I'd like to nominate September 9th as Derek Jeter Day. Nuff said.

Anne Rice has been opening up a discussion on her Facebook Fanpage (If you're not a fan, leave my site now!) about being Gay and being Christian and how Christians think that gay people are that way by choice. Here's what she writes:

Why do so many Christians want to believe that gay people choose their "lifestyle?" I don't quite understand it.

And then later:

On Christians and gays: the emails I receive incline me to believe that Christians feel they are not free to examine gay experience. They feel that Scripture obligates them to close their minds to whatever we can learn today from gay people about who they are. As a Catholic, I feel no obligation to close my mind to any area of knowledge.

Since I have a gay brother (Raymond) and a veeerry Christian mother (and a bitch sister), I think that I am in the perfect position to comment on the subject. First of all, gay people are NOT gay because they choose to be. At least not my brother. I think he's like totally ashamed of it. Mostly because of what he thinks Mom would think if she found out. Personally I think he underestimates her. Mom is a good mom. She would love us no matter what we were. That's the saddest thing to me, when families disown their gay children because of their religious beliefs. Mom always says that there is nothing we could do that would make her stop loving us. That's a pretty big call. I mean, what if I suddenly decided to like become a serial killer or something. Huh, Mom? What then? But being gay? Hell, I think she could live with that. Anyway, why would anyone really want to be gay? I mean, they do have a lot of fun, party all the time, have no real responsibilities, no families to support, actually maybe I should become gay. But then there's the stigma and the persecution and the inability to get basic human rights and the occasional gay bashing, not to mention not being able to run for president. I mean, do you really think gay people have this conversation in their head? All they know is, when they look in the mirror, they want to do themselves. That's my personal theory. On a psychological level, homosexuality is really just self-love. Whereas straight men are just trying to get back inside the womb. The warmest, safest place they've every known. Straight women? I haven't figured it out yet. But I think it has something to do with being treated like a Queen. Which is why I don't think I could be gay. There can only be one Queen. And we all know the King has no real power. Like that game, chess. Raymond tried to teach it to me but it was too confusing. But I did like that the Queen kicked a lot of ass while the King just sat around hiding behind the prawns. My kind of game. But I've digressed. What was I talking about? Raymond gave me some special brownie he made this afternoon and I can't seem to stay focused on anything now. Oh, yeah, Raymond being gay. I think he should come out. It would totally make him easier to be around. I think it's like the source of all his problems. He's like terrified of his own shadow most of the time. But whatever, I'm sure he'll pick the right moment. Here's a picture of the happy Baxter siblings:



Anyway, if you want to keep up with Anne check out her Facebook Fanpage that she updates daily:

ANNE RICE FACEBOOK