Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Robert Downey Jr. as Lestat


Welcome to my life. Day 5736. So everybody's talking about the rumor that Robert Downey Jr. might play Lestat. I know, everyone is wondering what Lara Baxter, Anne Rice Superfan, thinks of this new development. To tell you the truth I haven't quite made up my mind although I have given it considerable contemplation. On the surface he seems too old. I mean, yeah, he is too old. Lestat was turned in his early twenties and since Anne's vampires don't age (as they shouldn't!), he should theoretically be played by a much younger man. But I've always wondered whether the ravages of time really wouldn't leave some 'character lines' on a vampire's face. Surely great heartache or personal loss would weigh down one's features. Even vampire features. With actors playing vampires, you have this paradox: they need to convey a whole lot of wisdom and experience yet still look like teenagers. That's tough since you kind of need wisdom and experience to convey it. Well, RDJ certainly has that. Another thing he has is a deliciously mischievous quality about him. But can you really imagine being scared by him? Entertained, sure. But scared? He's such a cuddly, Teddy Bear sort of guy. I think he'll make a great Sherlock Holmes but Lestat? I want him to terrify me! I want to say, "Oh my God, this guy's a monster! And I love him!" I don't know. It would certainly be his biggest challenge. It's not like playing some black guy stereotype like he did in Tropic Thunder (bore). Lestat has layers. Lots of them. RDJ would have to reach down deep in his soul to find him. I will say this, at least he has personality. Not like Stuart Townsend. We definitely can't have just some pretty face again. This isn't Twatlight! Which reminds me. Some stupid girl raised the question who was cooler on the Anne Rice Superfan site: Anne Rice or Stephenie Meyer? As if that's even up for discussion. Stephenie Meyer and her Judy-Bloompires better step. Stephenie Meyer sold out our genre! Now there are all these posers pretending to be vampire fans. I caught a girl the other day wearing a Nosferatu t-shirt. "Did you see that?" I asked her? "No," she said. I knew it! It's like all of a sudden it's all fashionable to be a vampire. The whole reason we became vampires in the first place was to spit in the face of fashion! Only vampires really know what taste is. They live forever so imagine how many different kinds of fashion they've seen. Meyer's vampires can't even dress! How stupid is that, to pretend to be students forever. I can't wait to get out of friggin highschool! And then they sparkle like Carebears! Reediculous! I know what she's trying to do. She's trying to make vampires into superheroes. Like he saves her from a car accident and runs her around like Superman. Come on now! Vampires are supervillains! They have to be. Sure they might feel guilty like Louis but they're still monsters! You can't just all of a sudden make them 'vegetarian'! That defeats the whole purpose! So suck it, Twatlight fans! This is a Stephenie Meyer free zone.

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