Saturday, October 31, 2009


Welcome to my life. Day 5801. Happy Halloween, my Creepy Croutons. Usually my favorite day of the year. This year it's a little depressing. Too old for trick or treat, too young to go fancy costume balls, too mature for high school keg party, too fed up to go to school ball. As you can see I grew pumpkins on my farm to celebrate the occasion.

I don't even know what to write about. My blog is Halloween like 365 days a year so how to ratchet it up a notch? How about this little collection of some of the scariest stuff ever captured on video?

Friday, October 30, 2009

Book Of Oya - The Conquistadors

Welcome to my life. Day 5800. Ola, Bloated Blowhards. So I'm getting pretty heavily into Witchcraft. I've joined the Witches Of Facebook, run by the brilliant author, Rochelle Moore. Her book, Beyond The Third Eye, has been helping me get through my tragic life. And I'm starting to combine spells from different religions. Mixing and matching. Obviously Herbert Hoviak's You Do Voodoo (copyright 1981) is insufficient on its own.

Thank you all for your kind words after my awful experience yesterday and I assure you I am completely over it. I have forgotten the name Billy Mathews completely. Of course the story has spread all over the school. Some idiot even wrote 'Evil Twin' on a piece of paper and stuck it on my back. I must've worn it for three periods until Johnny Shotguns told me about it. Helen's taken advantage of my misery by flirting with Billy Mathews at every opportunity. She doesn't give a shit about him. She just wants to piss me off. I've never seen her do anything without an ulterior motive.

But I've learned my lesson. Men are pigs. Never let them have your heart. They'll just stomp on it and throw it in the trash. Not that I'm going to become a lesbian or anything. To tell you the truth, I get along even less with girls, I'm just going to treat men as objects. Toys for my amusement. My heart is now closed for business.

It reminds me of something Mom once said to me. It's never really made much sense to me until now. She said, "The biggest choices in life must be made with your heart, not with your head." I guess I've never been confronted with a 'big choice' before. Maybe when I decided to become a Goth. Anyway, this decision is certainly from my heart, which is now black and cold. All my pain, all my hatred is now focused solely on my sister, Helen. She is the cause of everything! The constant source for comparison. The constant reminder of everything that I should be but refuse to be. The embodiment of everything I stand against. She is my mortal enemy. And if I must be the Evil Twin, so be it! Though I'm convinced it is really she that is evil! Fake! I see through you, Helen Baxter. You don't fool me for a second! You are an sly, self-serving snake and I will never trust you! Bitch!

Fine, enough ranting. I stopped by The Freakatorium today and Max tried to cheer me up by giving me another illustration from the Book Of Oya just in time for Halloween. I have to say, it kind of worked. This one is pretty effing awesome. It's a spread so the actual size is like my height lengthwise. It's incredibly detailed. It must have taken the guy like a year to make this thing.

If you're new to Lara's Thoughts, you need to go back in the blog's history to check out more etchings from the book. Apparently there were only 13 copies ever printed and they were all thought to be lost until Max at the Freakatorium got his hands on one. It tells the story of a vampire supposedly captured by the Freemasons.

Basically, the vampire, Oya lived inside this Mayan pyramid in Chichenitza. She was happy chilling there, getting human sacrifices thrown down to her on a regular basis, then one day it all stopped. She was hungry so she climbed out and saw this scene of utter devastation. The Mayans were being massacred by Spanish Conquistadors. So then she got busy, wiping out the entire Spanish Armada. The book says -

"Those who lived to tale, told of a demon unleashed by the Mayans. That may not have been far from the truth."

In other news, Yankees evened up the World Series at one game a piece, so that cheered me up. Mark Texeira and Hideki Matsui hit homers for the Yanks against their old foe, Pedro Martinez who once literally called the Yankees his 'Daddy'. Bad move. Now, every time he shows his face in Yankees Stadium he's greeted with chants of 'Who's Your Daddy?!' Kind of makes my 'Evil Twin' problem seem pretty insignificant. Sorry, Pedro. Looks like the Yankees are still your Daddy.

Anyway, happy Pumpkin Day tomorrow! And remember, don't invite any vampires into your home. They can't enter if you don't invite them.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I am in Hell!

Welcome to my life. Day 5799. Hello my Anonymous Alcoholics. I could absolutely die! I want to find a cave and live in it for the rest of my wretched existence! How could I be so stupid! So careless! So much planning! Daily fucking rituals to cast this stupid love spell! And for what?! Goddamn voodoo book doesn't work for shit! I don't think I can ever show my face in school again!

So I went up to him. Billy Mathews. I'd caught him looking at me like three times today. I swear he even winked! None of you better have told him! It took every bit of strength I had. But I did it. I went up to him and I asked him out. He just looked at me and said really loud, "So, you must be Helen's Evil Twin." Then he and all his friends laughed in my face. I almost started to cry right there but I held in the tears. I turned around and walked out of the schoolyard. Then I ran. I ran and I ran until I couldn't breathe anymore. Then I collapsed and started crying like a little baby! I can't believe a man brought me to this state!

But no more tears! I will take my pain and turn it into anger! I will take these tears and turn them into daggers. I know Helen was behind this. I will have my revenge!

And the Yankees lost game 1!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

28 Hours Later Horror Marathon

Welcome to my life. Day 5798. Greetings my Loquacious Locusts. Just finished watching the Scream Awards on Spike TV. They should call them them the Screech Awards cause of all the screeching females in the crowd. At least they had a nice tribute to Romero. Tarantino needs to do some sit ups. And who can beat a category called Best Mutilation? And the Baba Ganush flick (Drag Me To Hell) won Best Picture! Congrats to True Blood for all the kudos though I'm not the biggest fan. Vampires are too cool to reveal themselves to society. Why the hell should they? But at least it has sufficient bloodletting. And yeah, what's with the Twatfest? Since when is Twatlight a horror film?! I like that it won Best Fantasy. That movie is about as realistic as My Little Pony. With more sparkle. There is a group on Facebook called ‘Because I saw Twilight, I have unrealistic expectations of men.’ Remarkable self-awareness. Talk about fantasy: a supernatural superstud who can't go 'all the way.' Dream on, girls.

Anyway, today I want to tell you about a very special film fest happening this weekend called 28 Hours Later. It's actually a 28 hour horror marathon. Damn! I think even I would have trouble sitting through 28 hours of gore. That's like an endurance test to see who can go the longest without puking. Still, it's a challenge. And what a great way to bring in Halloween. If anybody actually sits through the whole 28 hours I'd like to hear about your experience. Do you start hallucinating after a while? I think it could be a life changing experience. Like a sweat lodge or something. Did you hear about those people that died in a sweat lodge? And the dude who organized it is still doing his thing, making lots of money! Welcome to Absurdistan. That's my new name for America.

Anyway, 28 Days Later is on in Fareham, England and organized by Horror UK. And it's absolutely FREE! How cool is that?! Here's a link:


World Series Game 1 tonight! Go Yanks!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Economics 101

Welcome to my life. Day 5797. Evening, my Morning Glories. Creeping up on that 6000 mark. Probably due for an oil change. Had a chat with my Dad last night. He works in a bank. He's always talking about getting a promotion. It's like his whole life is a video game. Getting to that next level. Dad has a couple of 'powerful' friends who look out for him, I think. Anyway, he tried to explain economics to me and what little I understood made me sick to my stomach.

Like, right now everyone is all excited cause the Dow or whatever is back at 10,000 points. It went down to like 6,000 last year. It did that cause everybody was selling their stock. The more people want to sell, the less the stock is worth. Well, it basically lost half it's worth. Our country just friggin lost half it's value in like a month.

So I'm like, "what, did somebody notice our smell or something?"

He says, "kinda. A thing is only worth what we collectively think it's worth. And everyone decided it was time to sell." I said, "but why? Don't they know it's going to go up again?" and he said, "that's exactly why."


"Yes," he says, "they sell it high and then they buy it back low."

So all that's happened this past year is that all these super rich, greedy fucks just doubled their money! The only bi-product being 15 million American jobs lost give or take. This whole depression (or whatever the hell they're calling it to scare the shit out of us) is really just a great way to fire ten million workers and make a whole lot of dough while you're at it. I said to myself, "Dude, this is some fucked up shit right here." I need to get in on it.

But seriously, there's got to be a better way to do things. I might not be an economist or whatever but even I can see that there's something fishy in this pond. Capitalism works. For the rich! The rest of us are just sacrificial pawns in their little game of world domination. I've decided to check out Michael Moore's Capitalism, A Love Story when it comes out on DVD. I liked his Farenheit 911 though I fell asleep halfway through it. I couldn't believe Bush just sat there reading My Pet Goat while our country was under attack! WTF, man! What was wrong with that guy? Better yet, what was wrong with us for electing him? I mean, I'm not holding out hope for an intellectual to one day get into the White House but you have to draw the line somewhere! That guy was three quarters shy or a dollar. Don't know what that means. I guess it means he had 25 cents. Stupid. Anyway.

Michael Moore is a little crazy but at least he's doing something with his movies. It's like all the other filmmakers just want to make cheesy popcorn flicks. I've been reading a lot of classics lately and there's a great tradition of social commentary in literature. Books used to tell us a lot about ourselves. The only thing movies tell us about ourselves is that we have a short attention span and a general desire to stick our heads in the sand. I don't get it. Even Horror, I think, could be relevant and challenging. I don't see why not. I mean, I love the fact that Horror sucks. That's what makes it so awesome! This absolute lack of pretension. It is what it is and it's not ashamed to be it. But still, it could be so much more. Somebody make a deep horror film. With some real social commentary. Horror doesn't have to suck!

In other news, Helen is talking about running for president of the student council. She'll fucking win, too. And she'll get Homecoming Queen, and Valedictorian, and every other friggin award you can think of. I hate her so much! Clearly I would be a much better choice for president but what chance do I have of winning? Zip! Zilch! Zero! I would get booed off the stage! Even though I'm a writer and she can't string two phrases together without using the word, 'like'. All she has to do is flash those pearly whites and the world's her oyster. God, how unfair!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Anne Rice News - Angel Time Release!

Welcome to my life. Day 5796. Hello my Croaky Crocodiles. Lots of Anne Rice news today. Firstly, Angel Time hits bookstores tomorrow. Who's excited? I'm excited! It's basically costing me my entire allowance. Look for a highly biased review on here very soon.

Also, Anne's just started a social networking site all her own. Finally Anne's true fans can unite on a site all our own. Create a profile and cement your allegiance here:


Make sure you friend me.
Also check out Anne's video conference on Wednesday at 6pm Eastern:


In other news, I still haven't figured out what to be on Halloween! What to do?! Send thoughts!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Yankees win the Pennant!

Welcome to my life. Day 5795. Greetings my Reckless Wrinkles . Yeaaaaaahhhh! The Yankees are 2009 American League Champions. This is their 40th AL pennant! The sixth and final game of the series was pretty awesome. The Yanks showcased their 'Core Four' - Cap'n Jeets (my love), Andy Petitte (starting pitcher), Jorge Posada (catcher) and Mo (the closer) - the four guys who are still around from the original dynasty like a million years ago. It's kind of crazy how long baseball players play. To think they were winning championships when I was 2 years old. It was pretty special. Sorry, Charlie to the Angels who made a bunch more errors. I think they were kind of overcome by the moment while the Yanks were all old hand about it. I'm celebrating with a bottle of Merlot I stole from the basement. Dad has a creepy little wine closet thing down there and sometimes he leaves it unlocked. None of them are like really old or anything.

Anyway, now the Bronx Bombers will face the Philly Phillies in the World Series. Last time they both attended the 'big dance' was 1950 and the Yanks swept. This time though, the Phillies are defending world champions so this makes it that much more poetic. I mean, if you want to be the best, you have to beat the best, right? What's cooler is that this is the first year of the new Yankee Stadium and it would be nice to christen it with a championship like they did the original. So get ready, Philaldelphia. The Yankees are coming. And their bringing the heat!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Puke Flick of the Week - Drag Me To Hell

Welcome to my life. Day 5794. Hello my Tortured Tortoises. So I just watched this flick on DVD called Drag Me To Hell. Pretty awesome! Especially this uber-creepy old lady that haunts the whole thing. The flick's worth it just for her.

It's about this pretty little prissy chick (Alison Lohman, who reminded me of my sister, Helen) who works in a bank when said old lady comes in and starts begging for an extension on her loan. The chicky is trying to get a promotion and rejects her application. The old lady is scary and keeps taking out her false teeth - which are like green and pointy and decaying - I mean doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of false teeth? Anyway, the old lady is a crazy Hungarian gypsy and she does this cool curse on said chicky. I like the idea of a curse being inside an object. In this case it's a button off her jacket. I wonder what object of Helen's I can curse Helen with. The curse in this movie invokes an evil demon called the Lamia, basically a cousin of Pazuzu from The Exorcist. Only Lamia actually drags your ass to Hell if she's called on. I like it. Though I wish we got to see Hell as I the title sort of suggested. The only movies I know that really show a version of Hell are the Hellraiser flicks. I guess that requires a lot more imagination.

But Drag Me To Hell does have some very fun times including the greatest nosebleed I have ever seen. This thing sprays like twenty feet! It's a great little scene where girlfriend is at work in the droll little bank, the walls are all like ashy faded blue and grey and off she goes! Spraying the entire office especially her boss who was standing in front of her and is now screaming, "Did I get any in my mouth?!" Hilarious.

Alison Lohman is a little too pretty and looks a little lost in this genre. She was great in Matchstick Men, playing a twenty something pretending to be a 12 year old. But this flick doesn't really give her a chance to work out that acting muscle. The film is directed by Sam Raimi and is a welcome return to his roots (Evil Dead). He never took his horror too seriously and this is no exception. It is more 'fun' than scary. And Lohman kind of plays it that way. It's not really an attempt at pure terror like, say, Last House on The Left, which was pretty good, by the way. Although that microwave oven thing at the end totally ruined it for me. Everybody knows you can't just stick someone's head in the microwave! Believe me, I've tried it on my sister. Doesn't work. The door has to be closed. It's these little lapses in reality that really piss me off at the movies. For instance, in Drag Me To Hell, the chick has to sell all her shit to come up with 10 grand to pay off this psychic but when we meet the psychic, she's like, "I've battled the Lamia once before and lost. I've been waiting my whole life for a chance to get my revenge." Great, bitch! Maybe you could have waived the friggin fees in that case! God! People are so materialistic! Fine, battle away.

But as I said, the best thing about the flick is the old lady, Mrs. Ganush, (played by TV veteran, Lorna Raver) who has a penchant for puking green slime, maggots, and general gobs of yellow goo all over cute little Lohman. I kept imagining Helen in Lohman's place and got great satisfaction from so doing. It just occurred to me that in Hungaria they call old ladies Baba. So she's Baba Ganush! Great stuff.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Terror Film Festival

Welcome to my life. Day 5793. Greetings my Sanguinary Seraphins. Yanks lost today. They made a valiant comeback only to give it all right back. Kind of a let down. I was already popping champagne (wine cooler, really, but it's all good). Ended up drinking it anyway. To drown my sorrow. Raymond watched the game with me. I think my enthusiasm is contagious. He seemed to get really into it. Maybe it was just all the tight uniforms.

Anyway, today I wish to highlight another awesome October Film Fest. It is our month is it not? This one's called Terror Film Festival and it's on this weekend in Frazier, Pennsylvania. I hear that's like right outside of Philly.

There selection is a mix of big budget Hollywood flicks with a couple of cool indies thrown in.

In other news I'm getting pretty excited about Halloween. There's going to be a big ol' masquerade ball at school. I still haven't picked my costume, though. I've done witch and vampire so many times. Zombie is fun but only when you're around other zombies like for a zombie walk. Kind of hard to party when you're oozing brain juice. I'll probably just do vampire again. At least I won't have to go shopping. I've already seen Helen's costume - fairy. Totally gross. If she tries to sprinkle pixie dust on me, I'm going to sock her one. Would love to hear from some of my readers concerning their Halloween costumes, especially original ones. If you send pictures, I'll post them on the blog. This blog is such a great escape. Sometimes I feel like it's my secret identity. Or that the rest of my life is. Here in cyberworld I have so many friends and followers, people are always sending me cool Farmville gifts and what not. In real life I'm kind of a loner. Nobody would suspect that I am the great Lara Baxter, Goth blogger extraordinaire. I doubt anybody at school follows my blog. In fact I hope not. I kind of like this arrangement. They could all kiss my ass. Sure there's a Goth community at my school but it just seems like as much of a little click as the cheerleaders. And even they think I'm weird. I have my own style. And just cause it's dark and dangerous doesn't mean that I'm following any stupid trend. Especially not that Twatlight tip that all these little girls are on. I swear, we used to be anti-fashion. Now we are friggin fashion. Anyway, true Goths don't give a shit. They walk by the beat of their own drum. That's what I am.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Lara's Fiendish Fruit Farm

Welcome to my life. Day 5792. Greetings my Exalted Exiles. First of all, I have to brag about the creepy haunted house I just got for my Farmville farm. My farm is now ready for inspection. I christen it, Lara's Fiendish Fruit Farm. There's a cool Plant montster. His name is Fred and he likes Twatlighters. There's also a grave for my sister, Helen. Eventually, my farm will become complete. On that day I will cease to pick my crops and let all of them die. Then it will look truly perfect. The Halloween decorations on Farmville are only available for like another week, so get cracking.

I've also just consulted The Facebook Fortune Teller and found out that love is in the air for next Thursday. Hmm. Consult her yourself if you like:


Also, just heard that Bram Stoker Fest was a roaring sucksess. Here's a review of the festival on my sister bloodsucker site:


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Stick Your Flu Shot!

Welcome to my life. Day 5791. Greetings my Zany Zealots. So the Yanks are one win away from getting into the World Series!!! We've got this crazy good pitcher named C.C. Sabathia. He's like 7 feet tall and 400 pounds. A regular giant. Kind of cool. Like something out of Harry Pooper. I know I'm always making fun of Harry but I'm actually kind of a closet fan. Of the books, anyway. The movies suck! The third one was okay but mostly they just treat the audience like little kids and that's not what the books do at all. I mean, I guess I am a kid, I just don't like getting talked down to. Harry is my age. He's always been my age. The movie Harry, anyway. And from the very first one I thought they were too childish compared with the books. The other thing is that they don't really get the humor across, again except for the third one - Prisoner of Azkhaban. They should have let that director direct all of them.

Anyway, the Yanks are on the verge but I'm not letting myself get too excited. I haven't been a fan that long but I've seen footage of how they collapsed against the Red Sox in '04, shattering the Curse Of The Bambino. That's kind of what got me into baseball to begin with, this awesome curse. Check it out - The Red Sox were like the best team in baseball at the time, having won 8 World Series and the Yankees sucked, having won zero - this was 1918 - and the owner of the Red Sox sold Babe Ruth, this fat pitcher, to the Yankees to pay for some Broadway play for his girlfriend to star in. Babe was the hero over there in Beantown so they were kind of selling their soul. Their fans definitely weren't impressed. Anyway, the Yankees took the ball out of his hand and replaced it with a bat. The rest is history. For the next 86 years the Yanks win 26 championships while the Red Sox win zero. Nothing. Nada. Nintendo. (just came up with that.) Until 2004, when the Yankees were up three to nothing in the championship series and the Red Sox came back and won 4 in a row. It had never been done before. But that's what they had to do to break the curse. Aren't curses cool? And the Babe? He only went on to set every home run record in the books. Now the Yankees have A Rod who will probably set some new home run records before he's through. It took me a while to like him. Especially with the whole steroid thing. At least he fessed up. But watching him hit these homers in the postseason - he's got 5 now - well it's kind of awe-inspiring. You really feel the history of it. His reputation may forever be tarnished but the love of his fans may be only beginning.

In other news, my school is trying to get everyone to get Swine Flu shots and I'm not feeling it. I did some research and found this story about Desiree Jennings, this Washington Redskins cheerleader who got permanent brain damage from a flu shot. She has seizures like every five minutes. Hey, at least she didn't get a runny nose. Actually she did. She was in the hospital with the flu. She was training for a marathon before she got the shot. A lot of people are getting sick at school. I was sick last week. I'm not a doctor or anything but I'm not letting them stick anything in me. Especially after those two movies last night. They're probably trying to give us all Swine Flu. Some form of sinister population control. Maybe it's fitting that we all die like pigs.

Here's the Cheerleader story:

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Puke Flick Double Feature - Martyrs, The Killing Room

Welcome to my life. Day 5790. Greetings my Yodeling Yaks. So I just watched like the scariest film I've ever seen. I'm actually kind of afraid to go to bed. I keep thinking some freaky doctor is like going to climb into my window and tie me up and nail some metal helmet to my head! Aahh! What was that?!

It was nothing... I think. Just the wind. Anyway, so Raymond finally gave up Watchmen and we were able to get a couple of DVDs on MY list and we got The Killing Room and Martyrs; two seriously demented movies. And they're also kind of similar. They're both about forced martyrdom, although radically different kinds of martyrdom. Part of the fun of both these flicks is the plot revelations and unfortunately I have to reveal them to discuss them so if you haven't seen them, you might not want to rent them before continuing.

The Killing room deals with our crazy ass government trying to create our own suicide bombers. This is kind of a weird idea and I don't know if it really makes all that much sense. I mean, I never understood the need for suicide bombers anyway. Granted, they were pretty effective on 911 but most of the time couldn't you just like use a remote or something? It's always seemed to me like kind of a silly way to go.

So the way they make people martyrs is they put them in this room which is... the killing room, literally. It's kind of Sawish without the cool gadgets (which is like the best part of the Saw movies). It's pretty cheap. I mean, nobody's going to win an Oscar for set decorations. The room is really white and sterile. Kind of looks like something out of a nuthouse. And these people are suckered in there thinking they're going to be part of some psychological study. And one by one they're killed off. This is done, apparently to figure out which one of them is willing to sacrifice himself for the others. At least that's how I understood it. The actors are all pretty good like Timothy Hutton who was famous once, I think. I don't know, it kept me watching and I guess that's kind of a feat when the movie is about people in a white room. Maybe it was a play or something before. It kind of felt like one.

But what I liked about it were these cold as fuck government guys (especially Peter Stormare, everyone's favorite Psycho Swede - think Fargo, Big Lebowski, Prison Break) who like don't even blink at all this atrocity that was going on. It was just all so cold and scientific. It made me think of Nazi Germany and what those scumbags must have been like. And it made me think about how dangerous it is to have the wrong people in charge. So in the end I came away with something. The gore is pretty mild but cold and sudden and effective - more violence than gore. Still, it looks like it was made for nothing and I'm always impressed when someone turns water into wine.

But it was the second flick that fully messed me up. Maybe there's something to that parental advisory thing. I think maybe my fragile, impressionable young mind really wasn't prepared for this film. And I've seen a lot of horror films and this might be the first time I'm truly, genuinely scared. That's why I'm still writing this. I'm afraid to go to bed. This movie will fuck you right up!

Now I do have to warn you. It's French and it has subtitles. And the guy who made it is probably a descendant of the Marquis De Sade. There's a lot of freaky torture. The chick with the Helmet will definitely become a classic Halloween costume. You just need somebody to pull you on a leash. I mean, they literally nailed this fucking thing to her head with these big ass nails.

The story is about these two orphan girls, one of whom was once imprisoned and tortured ala one of those horror stories you hear about when girls are raped and tortured for years and years in a little room (usually by a relative). Well this little girl managed to escape and now she wants revenge. She finds the people who did it to her and she strolls right on in with a shotgun. Blasting away an entire family. Pretty hardcore stuff. It's like this nice family having breakfast and all of a sudden this crazy bitch comes in and blows them all away. I like it. But that's just the beginning.

In the end we learn of this secret religious society and that there's actually a reason for all this torture. They're trying to create martyrs. Now these are martyrs in the traditional, Christian sense of the word, which are people who undergo such suffering and physical torment that they see the light of God. Freaky, right? These guys are trying to induce this state.

The doctors who perform this torture are not just cold and scientific about it, they actually appear as perfectly functional members of society. Which, again, is what got me the most about this film. The fact that anybody, any time can be a deranged, heartless psychopath and you would never know it. And the fact that people really could convince themselves of anything. That in certain circles, there are no such things as sinners. Only saints. And philosophers.

Okay, I'm going to try and go to bed now. But it won't be easy. I recommend watching this one with the lights on.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Website of the Week - Trailer Wars

Welcome to my life. Day 5789. Greetings my Wasp Whisperers. Today I'm introducing a new feature on Lara's Thoughts. It's called Website of the Week. Now I'm always telling you about cool indie flicks that you might never have heard of and this week I've stumbled on the mother load. It's a site called Trailer Wars and on it, trailers for all kinds of indie flicks of all genres (yes, horror is a biggie) battle it out with you, yes, you, as the judge. I love it! I've spent the last two hours perusing the different trailers and have found at least a dozen that are on my list of must check out! Check it out here:


In terms of life, it continues to suck. The Yankees lost despite home runs from Cap'n Jeets and like three other guys. For some reason it was on during the day (don't people have to work?!) and I only caught the highlights. It seems to me that the Yankees manager is a bit too nervous. He seems like a nice guy and all but he just keeps changing pitchers like he's got ants in his pants. I think he needs to chill out. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Oh, well, nobody expected the Yanks to sweep. We'll kick their butts tomorrow.

I also think the love spell I've been casting on a certain someone may be starting to work. I've caught him looking at me a couple of times today. He's like super popular so I'm not getting my hopes up but he's just sooooo cute. Okay, his name is Billy Mathews. Don't broadcast it, okay? This project has been almost a month in the planning and I think I'm almost ready to make my move. For those of you who are new to Lara's Thoughts, I have an altar to Anne Rice in front of which I perform various voodoo rituals with varying degrees of success. So far I've managed to bring myself good luck (I found twenty bucks) and I made Helen (my sister) have some vicious flatulence during Sunday mass. That was great! Especially since she's in the choir. Every once in a while you'd hear these squeaky white girl farts mixed in with the hymns. It was all I could to keep from rolling down the aisle. Even Mom was mad at her for 'not being able to control herself'. Helen spent the whole afternoon crying. Anyway, I'll let you know how the Billy Mathews project pans out in a couple of days. Wish me luck.

Till then, here are the first 6 minutes of one my favorite shorts, Orion Slave Girls Must Die:

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Leave Balloon Boy Alone!

Welcome to my life. Day 5788. Greetings my Vindictive Vinaigrettes. So I've been watching this news conference from Jim Alderden, the Colorado sheriff who is now trying to arrest and imprison the family of the Balloon Boy. Now, if you don't know what I'm talking about, you must've been living in a cave the past few days. Basically on Thursday, the entire country was watching breathlessly as this UFO looking balloon floated around for like three hours. We were told that there was a 6 year old boy inside, though it was pretty obvious that there was absolutely no place to put a boy in the balloon. Eventually it was revealed (by the boy himself) that the whole thing was a hoax, a publicity stunt by the family who wanted a reality show of their own (presumably about how they plan more hoaxes?!)

Anyway, I was kind of impressed by the ballsyness of the Heenes (that's their name). They threw themselves out there, probably with full knowledge of what they were in for. They must have realized that they were breaking quite a few laws and might actually serve some jail time and they must have decided that it would be worth it. It's kind of a fascinating example of the lengths some people will go to for their 15 minutes of fame. Mind you they appeared on two episodes of one of my favorite shows, Wife Swap. For those of you that are not familiar with this anthropological experiment, Wife Swap literally swaps the the matriarchs of polar opposite households for a week with often hilarious results. Here they are on the 100th episode:


They branded themselves as a science obsessed, storm chasing family and were paired with a psychic arty family. Well, reality TV obviously only wet their whistle for celebrity and the next step was naturally to get the world to freak out about their 6 year old, Falcon, soaring high above the Colorado cornfields.

Now I'm not saying we should all go out and start messing with the media and whatever but the vigor with which the Colorado authorities are now targeting them is a little disturbing. It would seem the entire Colorado police force is now on their ass. At one point, one of the reporters asks the Sheriff if they were perhaps over-reacting. To which Sheriff Alderden snickered and said:

"Most of you are not from Larimer county. You don't know this agency. I think our local media that knows us, knows how we react to a situation like this. When we have something of this magnitude, we pull out all the stops. We have have solved 110% of the murders in this county because we throw everything we have at it when something like this happens. "

So basically he equates this incident with murder. God, if not a sense of humor, at least get yourself a sense of perspective. Okay, so the family used up the state's valuable time, energy and money to further their own ends. So now you're going to spend a thousand times more time, energy and money trying to prosecute them? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I'm sorry, but this whole thing stinks to high heaven of law enforcement feelings being hurt. How dare somebody waste their time?! Well, judging by this overblown circus, they obviously have nothing better to do with their time over their in old Larimer county so if anything they should probably send the Heene's a gift basket for making them actually earn a living.

The family is being charged with conspiracy (misdemeanor), contributing to the delinquency of a minor (felony), false reporting to the authorities (misdemeanor), and attempting to influence a public servant (felony). At the very least this ridiculous case will drag out for at least a year in court and will cost the taxpayers millions of dollars.

All I'm saying is this - If the crime here is wasting state resources, then the state is a thousand times more guilty than the family. Slap them on the wrist, give them a fine and let's put this silly farce behind us. And if somebody does give the Heene's there own show, (which I don't doubt will happen) I promise not to watch. How's that?

I will leave you with Sheriff Alderden's seriously patronizing turn to the media (in the middle of a NEWS CONFERENCE!):

"Yesterday this turned into a circus. If you just raise your hands and be nice, children..."

Go piss up a cornstalk, Genius.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

A Rod, Cap'n Jeets Bring The Sweets

Welcome to my life. Day 5787. Hello my Undead Underlings. Yeah! Yankees win again! Cap'n Jeets brought the sweets with a homer in the 3rd and A-Rod, the closer killer, tied it up in the 11th with a homer of his own. Angels made another sloppy mistake in the 13th and threw it away! Definitely the most exciting game I've every seen. I keep hearing about what they were like about ten years ago, when they had their dynasty and won three in a row but I can hardly imagine them any better than they are now.

Too excited to write about anything else tonight. I'll just leave you with this little blog I read today:

Why I give my 9 year old pot

Why couldn't I have a cool Mom like this lady?

Friday, October 16, 2009

Bram Stoker Film Festival

Welcome to my life. Day 5786. Greetings my Totalitarian Toe-fetishists. Okay, there's a certain time of the year when Lara's thoughts becomes a semi sports blog and that is when the New York Yankees are in the post season. Game 1 today against the Los Angeles Angels. On a chilly night in the Bronx, the two best teams in baseball meet for the first of a seven game series to decide who goes to the World Series. Now I'm not normally a big sports fan. To tell you the truth, the Yankees are the only team I follow and that only because of Cap'n Jeets (the love of my life, Derek Jeter.) The game is starting right now. I'll get back to you after it's done.

Okay, Yanks won! Cap'n Jeets went 2 for 5 with an RBI! Those Angels don't stand a chance! They made a bunch of errors and basically showed that they didn't belong in the same stadium as the Yanks! Now that that's over, I can get back to the blog.

Today I want to profile the Bram Stoker Film Festival going on this weekend in Whitby, England. I contacted the festival director James Latimer (what a British sounding name) and he assures me that their festival is a return to the 'real' vampire genre. The fest will be hosted by Dacre Stoker, a descendant of Bram's (how cool is that?) Maybe it's Bram himself pretending to be his own descendant. That's what Dracula used to do.

Anyway, it looks like the Bram Stoker Fest will be the perfect antithesis to that pathetic Twatlight fest, Vampire Film Festival in New Orleans. So if you happen to be in England this weekend, be sure to check it out:


Thursday, October 15, 2009

20 Story Lines and the Bible

Welcome to my life. Day 5785. Hello my Saucy Strumpets. All these days just seem to blur into one another. Who the hell am I? What he hell is the meaning of it all? I think of Anne Rice who just celebrated her 64th Birthday last week and I just can't imagine how you can keep yourself interested for so long. But somehow she does it. I've been around for almost 16 years and it seems like an eternity. Imagine how vampires must feel. To be cold and still and eternal. I imagine them to be very slow in everything they do. They must freeze entirely for long periods of time. Like statues. The world of Vampires must move in slow motion. They have no where to be. They are in no hurry. Not like humans. We are always in a hurry. Like we're trying to outrun death. And why? It's still coming. As sure as death and taxes, isn't that what they say? We all work and toil. Like little ants. And what are we toiling for? Where are we trying to get to? It's all a great big mystery. Too involved in the details to notice the big picture. "Find your place in the world and stick to it," Dad once said to me. "What if there is no place for me in this shitty world (though I may not have used the word, shitty)?" "Then you're just going to have to create one." Probably the smartest thing the old man's ever said to me. He's got some depth, they old man. And some mystery. Hangs out in the basement a lot. Sometimes has his Freemason friends over for poker. God knows what kind of global takeovers they're scheming up down there. Him and Mom don't do it anymore, I don't think. She has that broken hip thing so I'm sure it puts a spanner in the works. Probably TMI. Which reminds me, I've come up with a new acronym: WGAF - Who Gives A Fuck?! I've already used it three times. Twice with my sister, Helen.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, so Anne Rice gets all this inspiration from the Bible. Well, yes, I confess, she's got me reading it too. Anything Anne recommends can't be all that bad. I got the abridged, retard version cause I couldn't get into the whole archaic language. If God speaks like that, no wonder nobody knows what the hell to do. Anyway, the stories are actually pretty awesome. I've also been reading a lot of these 'teach yourself how to be a writer' books and one of them, called 20 Master Plots, by Ronald Tobias, which alleges that there are only twenty... master plots. I've taken it upon myself to link each one of them with a Bible story:

Quest - Noah
Adventure - All of them
Pursuit - Moses
Rescue - Moses
Escape - Moses
Revenge - Jason
The Riddle - Jason
Rivalry - Cain and Abel
Underdog - David and Goliath
Temptation - Adam and Eve
Metamorphosis - Saul becomes Paul
Transformation - Jason
Maturation - Moses
Love - Jacob and Rachel
Forbidden Love - David and Bathsheba
Sacrifice - Abraham
Discovery - Moses
Wretched Excess - Moses
Ascension - Jesus
Descension - Adam and Eve

Okay, if you want to disagree with Tobias and try coming up with a 21st, go right ahead. I bet he's betting that most people don't have that much time on their hands. Likewise with the Bible tales.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Anne Rice and The Bible

Welcome to my life. Day 5784. Greetings my Roadside Rashes. Who's totally excited about Anne Rice's new book, Angel Time? I am, that's who! Okay, so Anne's gone a little soft lately, found Jesus and everything, but I'm convinced she's still got it in her to write a killer book with some badass angels. I know, I sound like I'm trying to convince myself. Well, if anybody can make angels cool, it's Anne Rice. And angels aren't necessarily all good. I mean, they've got to do some evil shit sometimes in the name of good or whatever. I don't know, I'm still new to the whole angel genre. I'm sure Anne will fill me in, though. Anyway, look forward to a heavily biased review from yours truly.

Anyway, she's been doing interviews and this one I quite like. She's asked about using the Bible as a source and how she had less flexibility with the characters because they weren't her own. I mean, she basically had free reign with vampires. She made the genre real. That's all I can say. Before Anne Rice, you just couldn't take vampires seriously. They were just overly theatrical and the whole 'I vant to suck your blud' business just made them laughable. Anne introduced us to a world where vampires do exist. Where you just kind of take it for granted that they exist. And when you put the book down, you wouldn't be at all surprised to see a vampire sitting on your window ledge. That is what Anne Rice brought to the genre. She made it real. She concentrated on all the little nuances. She told the story from the point of view of the vampire. Vampires were no longer the monsters that appear once or twice to scare the protagonist. They were the protagonists. And all you Twatlighters need to step. Anne wasn't afraid of the nightmarish nature of her subject matter. She confronted it head on. Her characters never cared if you liked them or not. That's what made them so damned likable. Lestat is the ultimate carefree character. At times, I swear he is aware of the fact that he is only a character and can do anything and everything. He is the ultimate escapist. And I love him! I have to say I've been getting more and more excited about the prospect of Robert Downey Jr. as Lestat. I think we may be witnessing the birth of the first great vampire film. There have been good ones, sure, but none that can call themselves one of the greatest of all time, say in the top 100 of all films ever. This has every potential to be just that. And what better material to work with than perhaps the greatest vampire novel of all time - The Vampire Lestat.

Anyway, this is a two part post so more tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Stupid Facebook Game of the Year - Farmville!

Welcome to my life. Day 5783. Hello my Quivering Quiches. So I'm totally addicted to Farmville. It's true. My name is Lara and I'm a farmvillaholic. I'm sorry, the game is just so zen. Picking your eggplants and milking your goats; I can see how people could be drawn to a life like that. I've started leaving notes on my neighbors' farms. I've declared myself official Farm Judge. Anyone over level 20 will get judged. If your farm is too commercial, too cluttered or too militarized, you will hear about it. Farmville farm of the month has to go to my Facebook buddy, Helen Grant. She has little themes - one pen has all white sheep except for one black one. Another pen is pink and contains pink cows. A third has a pond with an Ugly Duckling scene. And she still manages to churn out a healthy profit, I'm sure. So, go, Helen! You win despite having the same name as my bitch sister! Wait, maybe you are my bitch sister! You never know with these facebook accounts. I've heard of like old men posing as teenage girls. Sickening.

So become my neighbor at your own peril. My own farm is still a work in progress, so don't bother me at least until I reach level 20. I still haven't expanded. Also, Twatlighters will be shot!

To start your own farm go here:


Monday, October 12, 2009

Michael Jackson - A suicide?

Welcome to my life. Day 5782. Greetings my Pickled Pigmies. Today I heard the new Michael Jackson song and I'll be damned if it isn't a suicide note. Just check out these lyrics:

And it feels as though I’ve known you for a thousand years

And you tell me that you’ve seen my face before

And you said to me that you don’t want me hanging around

These are the ravings of a suicidal maniac! The guy's obviously suffering from intolerable guilt over his many child molestations and he want's out. The ultimate escape from his demons. Only he was too squeamish to do it in any cool way like jumping out of a plane with no parachute or blowing his brains out with a shotgun (Whoo! Kurt!). No, he was like, "I wanna go in my sleep." I mean, seriously, talk about a lame way to go. Pussy. Hope he was dreaming about little demon children with giant, razor-bladed phalluses wanting to play the 'cha cha' game.

Then there's the chorus:

This is it

I can feel
I’m the light of the world
This is real

Hmm. This, to me signifies his rabid fixation with himself. And here I come to the meat of it all. He had to fulfill the myth. He saw himself as a member of what I call the Celebrity Zombie Club. Elvis, Marilyn, Hendrix, Morrison, Janis, Holly, Dean, Pheonix, Cobain - the best looking corpses that have ever been left. Yes, welcome your newest member, Wacko Jacko (as the Aussies call him).

Anyway, think about it. Who the hell gets addicted to general aenestetics?! Nobody! And he's suffering from what? Insomnia? Likely story. He hired that doctor basically to assist him with his suicide. Not saying the doctor was in on it. He was just a hapless oaf trying to make an easy buck. Guess he really proved there's no such thing.

That's my take on it. Click here to hear the song (you have to watch the trailer first):


Sunday, October 11, 2009

Columbus Day

Welcome to my life. Day 5781. Greetings my Odiferous Orifices. I'm having a nice relaxing afternoon at home. Looking forward to Columbus Day. That's my other favorite subject at school. History. Christopher Columbus is considered the guy that discovered America in 1492. Though that's not exactly the truth. Actually, Leif Ericson hung out in Nova Scotia for about a year like five hundred years earlier. But he didn't brag about it. Columbus actually set out to find India. Can you imagine? That's like thinking you're at the end of a video game and all of a sudden a whole new board opens up. "Fuck me, who put this continent here?!" "Excuse me", said the continent, "I was here all along. You should have asked that nice Viking fellow about me."

Anyway, here's to old Chris, a true numbnuts in the most traditional sense of the word. Half his peeps were eaten by cannibals, the other half killed each other. Good times. Columbus established the first colonies in America and brought over the European culture that we so enjoy today. Among other things.

Here's to you, Chris. Thanks for finding us!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Puke Flick of the Week - Hell Walks The Earth

Welcome to my life. Day 5780. Hello my Normal Normans. For those who need another zombie fix in the wake of Zombieland, here's a creepy little indie that looks like it might have some brains. Check out their Myspace:


Friday, October 9, 2009

Nobel War Prize

Welcome to my life. Day 5779. Greetings my Morbid Marshmallows. Okay, so I've been sick at home for the past few days with some nasty bug and I've been watching a lot of daytime TV, including the news. Believe it or not, my favorite subject at school is Social Studies. It's like the one subject I always ace. Ms. Lipinsky and I get along, too. We share a lot of the same political views.

First of all, can I just say that we in America have no news reporting. Just check out BBC news one day if you want to see what real news reporting is like. We get maybe a quarter of the news the Brits get. What we have is a dozen cable channels all talking about one news item 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. For as long as they can milk it. Today they all latched on to Obama's Nobel Peace Prize like a bunch of pitbulls hanging from a rope.

Yes, like most teenagers I get most of my news from The Daily Show (which comes on three times a week). Jon Stewart is the only guy who makes the news even remotely entertaining. In fact, I'd say that's how Obama got elected - cause Democrats are so good at clowning the Republicans. They've basically succeeded in making them look like a bunch of rich, old, white, racist kooks with nicknames like 'Birthers', 'Deathers', 'Teabaggers'. Meanwhile Republicans are just really good at clowning themselves. It's hard to take them seriously with douches like Sarah Palin leading the fray. And all the Fox News guys (Republicans) are either like used car salesmen, talking real loud and fast and rudely interrupting all their guests when they hear something that might go against their way of thinking or they're like some nutty evangelists like that creepy Glenn Beck guy. What they need is a Daily Show of their own. Or at least a Weekly show. Just someone who can make fun of Democrats without yelling and waving around their teabags. What's happening is they're losing my generation pretty quick and that's putting their whole future in doubt. Obama is just the beginning.

My parents are both Republicans. They even voted for that zombie, McCain. Mom loves all those guys, even Bush. Except for Cheney. For some reason, he's the one guy that gets her goat. She actually spits on the floor every time she sees him on TV. Then she has to go and clean it up. Strange lady, my mom. Helen is a Republican too, of course. Me and Raymond are the only Democrats in the household.

Anyway, today all that anyone on the so-called news can talk about is Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize. Now, let's face it. The nomination was made like a week into his presidency. So yes, it may have been a smidgen premature. Fox News is claiming that the international community is trying to pressure us. And yeah, they may have a point. And guess what, maybe the international community has a point.

To tell you the truth, I've never seen the difference between Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush. Both men invaded a sovereign nation for oil. One was executed for it, the other was re-elected. It seems to me that Obama got the Nobel Peace Prize just like he got the presidency - more for what he isn't than for what he is. And just like the presidency, it is something he has yet to earn. It's kind of a pay it forward sorta deal. The prize is symbolic. It represents not his achievements but the expectations of the world.

The Nobel Peace Prize has rarely been given as a 'lifetime achievement award'. It is probably the most important such award in the world, with publicity to match. The Nobel dudes know this full well and they never miss an opportunity to use it as some bully pulpit. It's like their one chance say their piece. Think Gorbachev - a communist leader who inadvertently ended communism in Germany and Russia. Think Al Gore - who made Global Warming a household word. And what about Rabin and Arafat? If that wasn't a pay it forward, then I don't know what could be. One of those guys was a terrorist leader! The only thing those two represented was the very hope for peace - however dim that light might have been. Let's just hope that Obama's pay it forward has a little more chance of actually getting paid back.

Whether or not you like Obama, you have to like what he represents, which is our system of government and free election actually working. He is the promise of Democracy. I sometimes wonder if one of the founding fathers ever looked on one of his slaves and wondered whether one of their descendants might one day rule this country they were starting. Maybe Jefferson. He was into that chocolate love. But yes! That was the original vision. A land where the people decide. We the people! And the guy we chose is in power. For this reason alone, we are now the envy of the entire corrupt planet. How many countries ever even get a chance to vote for someone like Obama? Someone not force fed upon them by the establishment? Someone who actually represents the people rather than some secret society? Very Few.

Obama talks the talk. He calls for a world without nukes. He welcomes talks with the Middle-East. He holds the promise of bringing the world together. Now the world wants him to know that he has been heard. And that now he is being watched. Barrack, it's time. Let's see you walk the walk.

So, yes, the question of whether Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize is a valid one. But it should be asked in about three years. Problem is, from all indications, I'd say he'll be more deserving of the Nobel War Prize. Keep sending our troops to fight useless wars, Prez. History is a cold, hard judge.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Zombify Yourself

Welcome to my life. Day 5778. Hello my Laminated Lamshanks. Not much going on today. Here's a picture of me as a zombie. If you want to get one made, go here:


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Band of the Week - Frankenstein Drag Queens From Planet 13

Welcome to my life. Day 5777. Greetings my Kinky Kangaroos. Today I have the pleasure of bringing you an awesome horror punk band called Frankenstein Drag Queens From Planet 13. Thanks to my Facebook buddy, Dennis for bringing them to my attention. In general, if you know of a band or a film or anything else for that matter that you believe deserves my attention, feel free to shoot me an email at These guys friggin rock! I've been blasting their song, Mr. Motherfucker all day long. I was sick and got to stay home from school today. Some sort of virus. Thank God for the fever or I'd be in school. Anyway, I'm feeling better already, so don't bother with get well wishes.

Here's their Myspace:

Frankenstein Drag Queens From Planet 13

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The Problem With Evolution

Welcome to my life. Day 5776. Hello my Jaded Jellyfish. So my science teacher, Mr. Durshank is all excited about the discovery of Ardi, the 4 million year old human ancestor that was just discovered and he's decided to focus all our studies this semester on evolution, a concept I'm having a huge problem with. Okay, relax. I'm not going to start shoving Adam and Eve down your throats. The Bible is not a history book. It is a book of myths, kind of like the Greek or Hindu ones. Myths are fictional stories, beautifully written and can teach us a lot about ourselves. I mean, they are written by very wise people. But people nonetheless. And anybody that tries to tell you that God wrote them needs to be asked one question. Why? Why would God take it upon Himself to record our history? See, the problem has always been that we try to give God these human qualities (and deficiencies) in an attempt to make Him more like us - so that we can relate to Him. Fact is, if there is a God (or some higher power that created everything), then He probably has more important things to do with his time than write Bibles. No, if you want to get to the bottom of how we came to be, I think you're going to have to search a little deeper than Adam and Eve.

Evolution gives us a very quaint, convenient explanation for how we came about. Basically, Darwin said that we came from monkeys. And yeah, it kind of stands to reason - they do resemble us, more than any other creature on the planet, anyway. I mean, we certainly didn't come from dogs or dolphins. But the more I think about it, the more a certain problem keeps popping up. Okay, we came from monkeys. So why are there still monkeys?!

Think about this for a minute. If evolution is a natural occurrence, shouldn't all monkeys have become humans by now? I mean, is there something wrong with some monkeys that they didn't evolve into us? I'm not saying that there isn't such a thing as evolution. I'm just saying that evolution is not the reason that we are what we are. It can't be. If evolution was the only reason that we have brains that can think, then all creatures, big and small, should have developed them by now. And yeah, eventually, they probably will. Maybe a couple of million years from now you'll be able to play chess with your cat but why is it that of all the creatures on our planet, our evolution happened so much faster?

The answer has to be that we had some help. Now here's where things get a little crazy. Cause if I'm right, and I don't see how I can be wrong, there is only one explanation for our expedited evolution. We are, in fact, aliens. I'll let that sink in for a second.

Yes, at some point in our past, visitors came to our planet and bred themselves with our native monkeys. It was an interplanetary, inter-species experiment and we are the result. It is the only explanation. Nature doesn't pick favorites. Without some genetic intervention, we would still be swinging from trees and throwing our poop at one another. Apparently there were several stages of evolution between the monkey and us - Neanderthal, Cro-Magnon, and then eventually Homo Sapien (us). Well this makes perfect sense. Each of these stages represents a new series of experiments when our species was bred once again with our alien ancestors until they achieved a creature with what Mr. Durshank calls 'cosmic consciousness'.

I don't know, maybe that's what these aliens do - they just go from planet to planet, galaxy to galaxy, spreading this cosmic consciousness. They've probably been around for so long that there's nothing else for them to do. They just land some place, pick the smartest creature they can find (monkeys in our case) and sow their seeds of wisdom, probably thinking they're doing some real good. Only in our case maybe they should have gone with the dolphins. Cause apes are naturally a really aggressive, destructive species (as are we). What the continued experiments say to us though is that these visitors stuck around. And guess what, they're probably still here! That's why you always hear about people getting abducted and having experiments done on them. Maybe they're still conducting more breeding experiments. Maybe there's a new stage of 'evolution' for us around the bend. One that will make Homo Sapiens look like Neanderthals. So it wouldn't surprise me at all if we go the same way as the Neanderthals. And why are there no more Neanderthals? Because they were an unfinished product, a freakish, unnatural mutation. The aliens got rid of them as soon as they used some of them to create Cro-Magnons. See, it's an ongoing experiment. So we should expect to get wiped out too. Thrown away like a piece of scrap paper.

I think the aliens are realizing now that they probably made a huge mistake. There's probably a reason that evolution takes as long as it does. We are not ready to receive this wisdom they gave us. We could only destroy ourselves with it. By cheating evolution, humanity became doomed.

Anyway, I just wrote something to this effect for my science essay and Durshank gave me a C-, saying something about how I have to understand something before I can disprove it. I guess evolution is the new Adam and Eve. It is accepted thought. It'll take another cultural revolution to change people's way of thinking.