Thursday, August 27, 2009

Cap'n Jetes Engaged?

Welcome to my life. Day 5737. Got my period today. Guess that's why I've been so on shitty lately. Everyone's been getting on my nerves. Periods suck! Although they are nice and gory. I mean that's probably what it would look like if both my legs were cut off. Except for the fact that there'd be two bloody stumps sitting on the toilet. But seriously! That's a lot of blood! I was watching this movie where this guy gets shot and he's all like, "I'm losing too much blood!" Man, I lost more than that this morning! This is probably grossing everybody out. I don't care.

Anyway, my lovelies, it's time for Lara's Person To Hate Of The Week. This week's person to hate is Minka Kelly. Minka who, you ask? Just one of the stars of an awesome little slasher flick called Pumpkin Karver (part 2 is in production). But that's not all. Minka is reported to be secretly engaged to, yes, my heartthrob, Derek Jeter! Now this hasn't been confirmed but just in case it's true, you heard it here first! Everybody knows how much I love Cap'n Jetes! I'm the one in the stands dressed in black with the big "Cap'n Jetes, Bring us the Sweets!" sign. I'm a regular on the YES Network.

My sister, Helen, just to piss me off, recently became a Jacoby Ellsbury fan. I mean, I know he's cute and all but, hey, what state do you live in?! Traitor! She doesn't really know anything about baseball. She thinks Babe Ruth is a candy bar. I mean, I know it is, she just thinks that's all it is. You know what I mean. Here's another shot of Minka and Cap'n Jetes (lucky bitch!):

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