Sunday, October 4, 2009

Shakespeare Sucks!

Welcome to my life. Day 5774. Hello my Heinous Jalapenos. Okay, so I'm feeling a little better today. I still won't look Mom in the face or even acknowledge her existence. But she forced me to go to church today. She says she thinks I'm possessed by the Devil or some such crap. Kind of reminded me of the time that I painted this awesome picture of the Slayer demon and she tore it up saying that I was inviting the Satan to come and take my soul. I was really proud of that painting, too! Took me like a week to get it right. I haven't painted anything since. What's the point if it's just going to get ripped up?! My art teacher, Ms. Ploon, had said that I showed real promise, too.

Anyway, church sucked, as always. Mom and Helen are both in the choir (thank God I can't carry a tune to save my life). Our priest, Father Hortin, was talking about Abraham and how he was all ready to kill his son, Isaac, because God told him to do it. I was like, whatever. God later saves Isaac at the last minute but still, that's a pretty cruel joke to play on someone. "Just kidding, you don't have to kill your son for me. I was just testing ya." I'm sure Abraham, if he didn't go completely nuts from the ordeal, at least got a whole bunch of new white hairs in his beard. Mom, as always, was like weeping the whole time. She takes her Christianity very seriously. I thought it was a sucky story. There was like no irony. Abraham should have killed Isaac and then God shows up but it's too late. That's drama. Tragedy! That's the way Shakespeare would have handled the situation. Not that I'm a big Shakespeare fan. Who the hell talks like that?! I mean, even in those days. You need like a dictionary to figure out what the hell their talking about. And then it's considered like the best acting. That's not acting, it's poetry recital! I don't care how good an actor you are, you're not going to get any emotion across when you have to deliver like a thousand lines in a minute. We're studying Othello at school. It has its moments. I like Iago. He's pretty evil. But Desdemona is silly bitch! All of Shakespeare's women are kind of sad and pathetic. Or they're trying to be men. I'm going to get a t-shirt made that says: Shakespeare Sucks! Cause he does. Anne Rice is where the real literature is at! Although he does look pretty hip in this painting. Love the earring.

These are some of the thoughts that went through my head as I tried to pretend to be listening to the sermon. I can't stand church. I'm a twitcher. It's bad enough I have to spend my weekdays listening to unnecessary hogwash.

Afterwards Mom took us to get ice cream. I refused even though it looked really good. I will not give her the satisfaction of appeasing me! Helen took an extra long time licking her cone in front of me. I'm so over this family.

Today is Anne Rice's birthday! Happy Birthday, Madame Nightmare! Eat lots of cake!

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