Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Book Of Oya - The Final Etching

Welcome to my life. Day 5826. Greetings my Zesty Zombies. So this is it. The final Etching from the Book of Oya. It depicts Oya's years in the 'Bordello of Blood' in New Orleans. The vampires took her in and gave her a home. There she gave birth to a child. Yes, that's right, according to this book, vampires can breed! The child was human. Nuts. The book actually gets pretty involved with what vampires are and everything. It's kind of contrary to what we've been led to believe. According to the book, Vampirism isn't really something you can get. You have to be born with it. Vampires aren't really undead at all, rather they are like another species. Like an offshoot of humans. And they do age. Just very gracefully. About a year to every 30 ours.

Anyway, according to the Oya was captured and studied by Freemasons so if it's true, the government probably knows all about them and has like some secret lab somewhere where they poke and prod vampires trying to figure out how to tame them and / or harness their powers. I can totally see it. It's a pretty cool book. About the size of a movie poster. Apparently there were only thirteen copies ever printed. Leave it to Max at the Freakatorium to find one. Crazy Max.

In other news, Time Magazine just called this 'The Decade From Hell'. I don't really have any other decades to compare it to but I still have to say that I concur. What a crap decade! terrorists, tsunamis, hurricanes, wars, economic collapse, George Bush, the Jonas brothers, Twatlight! It's been one thing after another. I'm pretty glad to see it go. Then again, maybe what's around the corner is even worse. I'm not feeling optimistic about the future. For one thing, our already overcrowded planet's population is going to like double in fifty years. Somehow, I think our best years are behind us. My generation has inherited an unsustainable society, an environment on the brink of global collapse - my 2012 prediction - the polar ice caps will melt creating giant tsunamis. Nothing devastates like a tsunami. The one in the Indian Ocean killed a quarter million people. The five year anniversary is coming up. Most religions have a Noah's Ark type myth involving a giant flood. Crazy that in my short existence I have already lived through a tragedy of biblical proportions. I think eventually they'll call us the 911 generation. The first generation of American realists. It's almost like with 911, we lost our innocence. Our world was no longer untouchable. Whether we want to admit it or not, a dark cloud settled over us that day. A cloud of paranoia and uncertainty. Mr. Bin Laden was definitely successful in that sense. He gave us a good slap across the face and woke us up to the reality of the rest of humanity. One of my fave indies is Open Water. In it, this white American couple go scuba diving and get left behind by their tour boat. They see a boat in the distance but decide that it's too far to swim and that eventually somebody will find them. It's this attitude that separates us from the rest of the world. See, most people would be swimming towards that boat with every last ounce of effort they can muster. Americans just can't fathom real crisis. It just doesn't enter our lives.

I know I bitch a lot. And on this Thanksgiving, I'd like to give thanks to the crazy country that lets me do it, that gives me the luxury to rant about Twatlight and my stupid sister and people who talk too much, instead of worrying about what I'm going to eat tomorrow. Yes, Time, the decade has sucked. But at least we can still complain about it.

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