Saturday, September 19, 2009

First Zombieland Review!

Welcome to my life. Day 3792. Wait that's not right. Day 5759! Hello my Pulpy Pomegranates. Hope this blog finds you wallowing in the bliss that is Saturday!!! No school! No detention! Went to a wedding today. Bride's maid. Thank God the dresses were dark blue! In the right light they even looked black! Helen's been pouting about them all week. All I know is I'm drunk! Not too many opportunities out there for a kid like me to get plastered and basically get away with it! You should have seen me and Johnny Shotguns sitting outside the liquor store begging strangers to buy us a 40 the other day! So degrading! Today I got my champagne on!

The wedding was on Dad's side of the family. Mom's is back in Bulgaria. I think she had some fun. She's been pretty depressed ever since she found out Guiding Light was going off the air. There's another half hour of the day she has to figure out what to do with. Hers is kind of a sad story. Dad whisked her away to America after she had her ice skating accident. She was really good. Like, Olympics good. But she had a nasty fall and broke her hip. Walked with a cane ever since. Dad was an accounting major in college. That should have been a red flag right there. Anyway, she settled into this weird foreign life and basically forgot her identity. I mean, really, there is nothing in her life that even remotely reminds her of her past. She has no Bulgarian friends. I don't think any Bulgarians live in Sugarloaf. She's like this permanent tourist. Sure, she's learned the language, though she still has a pretty thick accent, but culturally? I don't think she has any clue. She simply doesn't get it. She doesn't get our sense of humor, our tastes, our values, our interests. She's just always looking on like a spectator, never really becoming part of it all. I don't know. I think I'm one of the few people who knows where she's coming from. I think we're pretty similar, though she'd never admit it. We're both rebels in our own right. We both have strong beliefs. They might not coincide most of the time. But we stand behind them with equal conviction.

My sister, Helen? I don't know if she really believes in anything. I think she's just playing the part. Pretending to believe in whatever she thinks she's supposed to. Why is it that the prettiest girls are also the most insecure? You'd think she'd take a moment to bask in her own glory. But no. Every day is a constant attempt to one up herself. I've actually heard Mom call her a saint. Can you believe that?! She's got that woman wrapped around her finger. Pathetic. I can't believe Mom can't see through that shit!

Anyway, Dad's cousin, Edie Baxter married some guy half her age. It was kind of funny. I had a good time. But right now I gotta go puke.

13 day till Zombieland Premiere!

Here's the first review:


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