Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Watchmen - Grade A Mansteak

Welcome to my life. Day 5763. Hello my Honeyed Hornets. Just watched Watchmen for the first time. That was pretty cool. A little light on the action but the characters were pretty badass! These are not your grandpappy's superheroes. These guys kill dogs, shoot pregnant women, throw scalding french fry oil in people's faces and are basically willing to wipe out a good third of us in order to maybe save the rest. I like it! It was made by this director named Zack Snyder who brought us the mansteakalicious 300 and this offering is no less drool inducing. There's even some wiener (albeit blue) and plenty of blue butt. Sure, there's a little girlie nipple (Malin Ackerman - known more for her comic chops than her sex appeal - think The Heartbreak Kid) but even that scene is drowned out by bulging man-muscle. Basically, the title is pretty literal.

I watched it with my brother, Raymond (he's gay) and he's decided it's his new favorite movie. He's in his room watching it again right now, probably pulling one out for Dr. Manhattan (the blue guy). I admit there's something kind of kinky about him. I mean, who hasn't fantasized about having sex with one of the Blue Man Group?

The violence too was 300esque. Lot's of blood and slow-motion gore. Snyder is introducing a new hyper-real brand of cinema, visually stimulating and morally challenging. He has translated the raw, unrelenting, neon world of the graphic novel better than anyone else I think. Simply because he's just not afraid to go there.

The cast are mostly actors you might have seen playing small parts in other movies. You'd think that a big film like this would have some big stars in it but then when you think about it, who's a big star anymore? Hollywood has no stars left. They've all kind of faded and gone out. And no new ones are popping up. I think that's because they're all looking in the wrong places - casting pretty boys instead of actors. But I like the fact that Snyder is letting unknowns get a shot at getting known. For me the most interesting discovery in the film was this guy that played Rorschach, the inkblot face guy.

His name is Jackie Earle Haley and the whole film I'm sitting there going, where have I see this guy before. So after the film I IMDb'd him and guess where I've seen him? The Bad News Friggin Bears! Yep, that's Kelly! Like a million years later. Nuts, I tell ya. Apparently he was like cryogenically frozen or something cause he still kicks a lot of ass while sounding a lot like Clint Eastwood. Check out his site:


Also check out the flick's viral Site (I always thought these were a cool idea):



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