Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Person Of The Week To Hate - Taylor Swift

Welcome to my life. Day 5756. Hello my pasty porcupines. This week's person of the week to hate is unquestionably Taylor Swift for being a goody-two-shoes know-it-all and totally reminding me of my sister Helen. She pulls little pouty faces too and acts like a little victim all the time. So, Kanye 'douchemaster' West stole your spotlight. Get over it! Or smack him! Don't just stand there like a wounded doe and then bitch about not being 'so excited anymore'. Pussy! I would have totally knee'd him in the balls! Prick. Can you imagine being a black star and being called a Jackass by the first black president. That's like if Anne Rice called me a Jackass! I think I'd just crawl into a hole and die. But that doesn't excuse Little Miss Perfect from being a complete douche herself! Aargh! I hate prissy little bitches like that! Hope she turns into a zombie.

Which brings me to Zombieland! How many of you are counting the minutes before this obviously instant classic hits theaters? I'm planning to start camping out in front of the theater the night before. I've got my fake I.D. ready and everything. I'll be all zombie'd out anyway, so they shouldn't be able to tell I'm a kid. I'm going as a White Castle Zombie. Johnny Shotguns works at White Castle and he was able to steal a couple of uniforms which we tore up nice and bloody. Some of my readers have been asking to see a picture of him so here it is:

I know. He's a little weird. But you know, he has holes, I have holes. We fill each others holes. Not in a literal way. Get your heads out of the gutter. We're just friends. Okay, we made out a couple of times. That's it! He's not really my type. To tell you the truth, I've got a crush on someone else. I'm not saying who in case he reads this. But he's really cute. I know, I always go for the ungettable ones. The ones my sister gets! God I hate my sister! Taylor Swift clone!

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